Peanut Butter on finger consitutes a well balanced, low GI meal thanks.
I know it’s boring hearing about other people’s dreams but this is my corner of the world wide net so it’s going to be zinging, i promose you. I’ve been applying for jobs like a motherbitch lately. 60 applications in about 10 days. I know it’s hard to believe but I’m starting to tire of talking about myself. I’m not even allowed to be honest and big up my incredible french toast making skills or the ability to eat only one cereal every day even though I hate cereal. They’re not interested. It’s got to be ‘oh blah blah motivating my team through brand loyalty’ and ‘pish-pash i probably won’t swear at the customers or smoke on the shop floor every day’ etc. Amongst the ill considered application to Calvin Klein underwear as visual merchandiser or Area Manager of Valentino, there are 3 Assistant Manager positions at All Saints in the capital I would give my right ass for.
So this has been on my mind. I have also been punctuating the endless hours of self-sycophancy with hours and hours of Twin Peaks. I’ve seen series one, the movie, read the secret diary of Laura Palmer and The Autobiography of Special Agent Dale Cooper and am currently ploughing my way with glee and rapture through season 2. Can you believe it…22 episodes? It’s like free sex and wheat free white bread that tastes like white bread and rollerskates with jet packs attached all rolled into on. Yowser, I’m in love.
So I dreamed I was designing for All Saints when I came up with the Twin Peaks Collection. The image of Laura Palmer wrapped in plastic would translate well to the t-shirts and could you imagine the owls/horses/BOB repeat print on a parachute dress? There would be traffic light jewellery and everything would have an underlying scent of burning to bring the line to life. I woke up convinced I was a genius.
Looking back on it now…I’m not so sure.
Why wasn’t I consulted during the marketing process?
I had to have vegetarian fishfingers to eat yesterday. What is that? It’s not even a thing. People only ever have fishfingers when they’re poor. The thing is though these quorn appropriations of what the upper classes think is wrong with the rest of society cost nearly £3. £3!!! And i hate over use of exclamation marks. It’s just lazy. But I wish I’d thought of it during essay writing.
I Don’t write essays any more. I’m too old. I’m not going to let on how old but it’s old enough for my grandfather to have given up on asking me when i’m going to meet a ‘nice lad’ and settle down and distend my nethers to pop out ungrateful short people. And also old enough to get beyond ‘huffity’ when I get id’d for booze. Yeah that’s how it goes. id’d. If I followed proper grammar rules I think we’d end up with IDed which looks like the name of a club in dudley when all the DY1 tags were already taken. I’m a grammar nazi by the way. Nice to meet you. I’ll kick you in the nuts if you mess up the ‘there/their/their’ business but i’ll send you a laminated cerificate afterwards and maybe a drawing of myself on the back of a cereal packet in crayons. (‘Should of/could of/would of is unforgiveable. I kill you now.)
I know I haven’t got over my lack of capitals laziness but this is my little bitof techno-world…leave it out. My little fingers are only little. you many have guessed that from what I call them. Little fingers.
There’s holes in this computer. Bits keep snapping off but I keep bodging them back together with stickers which is a bit like me. I have crappy bones and blood and brain. Pick a body part beginning with b, mine’s shoddy. Bladder? yeah actually. well, i just like going for loads of number ones. Bowel? This brown stuff keeps coming out. I ought to see someone about it. Or write to Take A Break magazine problem page. I’m trying to write a story for the real life pages of Take A Break cause I’d really like a grand. Seriously they give a grand to people who have been stabbed by their spouses. Even more if said spouse was sleeping with the grand-receiver’s moter. If it’s the father than ding-ding-ding jackpot.
So this is my introduction. Those ‘pishfingers’ were disgusting and I’m going to marry a rockstar.
x
Also, great-rack. 